After writing my last post, I started thinking about what makes me happy. Playing games. Watching good TV. No responsibilities. This is what makes me happy.
If I had any writing skills whatsoever, then I would be able to write reviews for games and pursue that with a relative passion. Same with TV. I could see myself as a TV critic for a website or a magazine. But I can’t write for shit, and the deadlines for writing would make it feel like work instead of something I enjoy. Which is why I feel like I’ll never be great or remembered for anything because as soon as something feels like work, I start losing happiness in that thing. I don’t know why.
I also like surprising people. Not like practical jokes, but as in exceeding expectations. However, I only really do this when the expectations start out low. If I start out with high expectations, then the only way to surprise people is to not meet those expectations. It’s much harder to exceed expectations when they start out so high.
I hate it when I exceed expectations and am not recognized for it. I went out of the way to do better than I was supposed to, and then not get any praise for it drives me crazy. That kid of recognition makes me feel special and also happy.
Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve posted here and a lot has changed. My daughter, Pielette, graduated high school and we’ve figured out what her stomach issue. She has a gluten sensitivity. Possibly Celiac, but because we’ve changed her diet, we can’t officially confirm the diagnosis. Our son is doing well is school too. he’s in the middle of his Sophomore year and is taking afternoon classes at a local VoTech school. He loves it. He is taking physics classes there as well as Engineering classes to get a head start on what he loves.
Both Mrs. Pie and myself started new jobs this fall. My wife got a promotion to a new division and is both excited and challenged by her new position and responsibilities. I did get the High School job that I so desperately wanted last May, and it’s been a really good change. I am teaching better students at a better school. I have a real classroom and we work in an actual theater. The problem is that I am scared that now I have my better job that I so desperately wanted, I will fail at it. The first semester went well, but we are in the middle of rehearsals for our big musical and I am scared because this production will make or break my future at the school. The Choir teacher who is co-directing with me is most likely leaving at the end of the school year, and the dance teacher is in no danger of losing students in her program. However, if this show goes well, then I will see an increase in students in my program and should be well on the way to building the program of my dreams. If the show fails, then I will probably have even fewer students than I have now, and that is not good at all.
I am constantly comparing what I am building to the high school drama program that I graduated from. I want so desperately to manage a program that both my students and myself can be proud of, but I am desperately afraid of failing.
Our winter break is ending and I have to go back to work tomorrow. While I have enjoyed working at the new school, I still really enjoy all of my breaks and time off. I really don’t want to go back to work.
They say the key to happiness is to find what you love to do and then pursue it passionately.
What happens if you can’t find anything that you love, or don’t have any passion?